New Poem in L.A. Parent

"To The White Parenting 'Expert'"

​​Read the poem online here.

Access the full print version of the July 2020 issue here.

Intro to the Poem

My great grandfather was a tall, skinny black man who owned a gas station in a small town on the southern coast of Puerto Rico. My three-year-old MexiRican child is a blondie with hazel eyes whose favorite game is being chased. For my husband and me, there was never a doubt that conversations about race and racial justice would take place in our multiracial, multiethnic, bilingual MexiRican home. This week I’ve been surprised to witness how unbearably uncomfortable these kinds of conversations make some people, even so-called “leaders” in the parenting space. What a lost opportunity for them, and also what an important lesson for me. This poem pays homage to those lessons learned, particularly the need to get crystal clear on our own family’s core values and then seek out and invest in those parenting coaches who are most aligned with the future we’re working to co-create with our kiddos, families, and communities.

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​Mind Your Follows
​(All Parenting Coaches are not Created Equal)

I encourage every parent to actively seek out Parenting coaches aligned with their values, and to especially seek out BIPOC Parenting Coaches.

The above might seem obvious, but I had to learn the hard way.

I personally had a terrible experience in The Parenting Junkie's paid membership, "Present Play."

The leadership displayed defensiveness, dismissiveness, tone policing, silencing, spiritual bypassing, and gaslighting -- all using group guidelines as a crutch to silence voices raising difficult questions about parenting in relation to race and racism.

Several folks were removed from the group and many more left.

I was given a timely refund, so that's something.

I suspect TPJ is not the only coach with blind-spots, biases, and/or resistance to difficult but necessary conversations.

​So be mindful about the ways in which your coaches align (or don't) with you and your family's values, and engage accordingly.

At the end of the day, I took the valuable information I learned about play, but I was ultimately relieved that I didn't contribute financially to such a toxic environment that presented itself as "peaceful."

I also got a poem out of  the experience: "To the White Parenting 'Expert'" was published in a special section in the July 2020 Issue of L.A. Parent.

I've learned my lesson and will be much more discerning about who I support and pay moving forward. I hope you'll do the same.

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April 2021 Reflections: ​Buyer Beware Present Play

The Parenting Junkie is reopening her membership Present Play soon.

This is my honest review of Present Play based on my experience in the group last May and June.

I wrote the poem “To the White Parenting Expert” (link in bio) in response to my terrible experience in the group.

When I first heard about Present Play, Avital’s approach to play seemed perfect for pandemic times.

Then George Floyd was murdered.

At first: crickets; then defensiveness; then outright hostility towards anyone who wanted — in a PARENTING group — to process how to raise kids, particularly Black & Brown kids but truly all kids — in a world where “the talk” on surviving police exists for some fams & not others.

TO BE CLEAR:

If you want to be able to have necessary & sometimes difficult convos about race & racism w/in parenting contexts then THIS IS NOT A GOOD PARENTING COMMUNITY FOR YOU.

At least they gave full refunds (eager to see us “rabble-rousers” go).

After leaving, I found several other coaches more aligned w/ my values & willing to engage w/ lived experiences of parenting while Black and Brown.

Much later, I read a similar review by Ieishah Clelland in Mater Mea: “Dying to Be Seen: The Only Time White Mom Groups Care About Black Lives.”

Spread the word & spare other mamas.

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Before You Go...

Read:

• Resources for Raising Anti-Racists Kids
• #BlackLivesMatter: Poetry & Other Resources